Let's Take a Look At Children's Songs

Let's take a break from our usual fare and look at songs designed for children. So, let's take a look on YouTube and see what we can find.

Mommy's Got A Baby In Her Tummy

By Patty Shukla

While I understand where this is coming on from, it is strange to me. The way the girl leans on her mom's belly and the way she proudly declares that it is for her, just makes me think she wants to eat it. 

I can't wait until your fully cooked.

The girl continues to explain sing about her new burrito cooking, in a way that I can only describe as the sound cats would make if you threw them in a toilet while flushing it. 

Towards the end of the song, the wait for the burrito over takes her and she breaks down mumbling, "a baby" over and over. 

I will give this song 2 fetuses out of 5. It is too much for my ears.

Please help this child.

Round and Round We Go!

By Debbie Doo

Let's take a look at Debbie here, she looks fun. She has an awesome sparkling pink wig, beads, and bright colors. She has a 90's vibe to her. I would hang with her.

And Austin Power teeth.

Today we a ribbon dancing with her. I remember when that was popular for a while in 90's. Any ways, she hits up some polka music and we start going "Round and Round". I really like the part where she starts woahing. Debbie you won me over with that. Here's 4 out of 5 round and rounds for you.

Just don't take anyone's eye out.

The Animal Sounds Song

by The Bounce Gang

I am so glad I clicked this one. Just look at these colorful "creatures" they are great. The rooster is my favorite already and I am only 7 seconds in.

Take that Miley.

The animals are introduce one by one by their sounds. The poor horse and snake seem to get a little rip off on their costumes. 

The animals then turn the tables and instruct us to their dirty sounds for them. Really? Okay but, first I have to pee.

The song ends and the animals congratulate us for repeating them.  I am surprised they didn't reward us with grain. But, I'll award The Bounce Gang with 4 1/2 out of 5 sad snakes. This wasn't bad at all, I just have to dock a 1/2 point for not asking, "What does the fox say?"

Thanks for appreciating me.

Old MacDonald Had A Farm

by Merry Music Box

An old true classic, let's see how Merry Music Box tackles it. I must say I like the music they gave it, it seems a little skaish to me. The animation lacks a little but, you can tell they were on a budget. 

Bonus: Farming in diapers.

Old MacDonald keeps introducing his animals one by one. (I must admit, these cartoon characters sure have some moves. They basically fly.) We end up with our last animal and surprise it was a Tiger. Everyone scatters. 

I enjoyed these rendition, the music was fun. For this one, I am going to give it 5 out 5 anorexic pigs.

You know I had to touch that one.

Recycle Bin

by David Chicken

I honestly don't know where to start with Mr. Chicken here. He just may be my hero. The guy lives in a chicken inspired house and he is the Vanilla Ice of men who dress like chickens. I must mention that the outfit it is gold.

If you're going for that douche bag chicken look.

David Chicken raps about recycling while singing at a dump with his children's chorus. But he is still hard to hate. This guy is just radical. I am going a 2 out of 5 old water bottles on the song. But 10 out 5 on the get up. (He overachieved.)

You keep clucking.

Out of these 5 songs it is a tie up between Debbie Doo and my new friend David Chicken.

Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers Fire Safety Adventure

Listen up because this can save your life. Chip and Dales are going to teach us how not to die in a fire.

Okay, the rejected Disney Parks Chip and Dale are going to teach us.

We start off with Dale BBQing some acorns. While Dale is being a Peeping Tom checking out the Chipettes skinny dipping in the nearby lake. Oh just kidding, he's looking for Fat Cat. Dale catches him and quickly lectures him on how this is suppose to be their day off. But, Chip can not let go of his suspicion that Fat Cat is up to something.

Eleanor, gee, I think you're swell.

After arguing over this for what seems forever with their screechy voices, Chip regains control of his binoculars and spots Fat Cat at the local fire station. The two decide to get their Rescue Ranger on and investigate. They run down the hill and into the town. All the while, not being shot with tranquilizers by animal control.

At the station, we see our first close up of Fat Cat, I think.

Fat Cat that was hit by a semi truck.

Fat Cat is plotting to booby trap the fire station for some reason. He begins to pull off the fire hoses on the truck, when he is interrupted by the obnoxious sounds of the chipmunk duo. He runs off to hide.

Upon entering the station, Chip and Dale spot the can of caviar that Fat Cat conveniently dropped. (He is such a smooth criminal.)

Must be Dollar Store Caviar.

While Chip and Dale go on about how Fat Cat must be around, Fat Cat sneaks behind them. Just then, a knock distracts the chipmunks and they run upstairs towards the sound. Fat Cat then throws out some more hose and sneaks off again. 

Upstairs, Chip and Dale find Fire Fighter Phyllis tied up and gagged. (What the hell? Was Fat Cat going to do something really sinister with her?) 

I've seen a cat penis, I don't want to imagine much more.

The two quickly untie her. Phyllis explains that Fat Cat wanted the fire station and she refused. So what the heck is a Disney character to do? Tie her up and tell her she'll be sorry. 

Meanwhile with Fat Cat, it looks like he found a box of matches. He throws them on the floor like he is some kind of bad ass but, not planning to light them or anything. He just wants scare the Rescue Rangers and Phyllis to leave. All while he is doing this, making horrible puns.

Ooo, I am so bad. Meow!

Fat Cat hears the chipmunks and Phyllis heading his way. He makes another run for it.

The trio finds the pile of unlit matches at the bottom of the fire pole. They start to lecture us on how horrible it is to leave matches in a unsafe place. Phyllis picks them up, while Chip assumes that Fat Cat is going to leave all kind of traps for them. (You know like, leaving a dead mouse on the door step or hacking a hairball in your shoe.)

Just in case, you didn't believe me they were matches.

Phyllis starts to speak about catching your clothes on fire. So you all know what time it is. STOP, DROP, AND ROLL. 

Oh my god, they're marking their scent!

All the fun frolicking on the floor is interrupted by the smoke detector beeping. Phyllis states that it is the sound it makes when the battery is low. But, she soon realizes that she just replaced them yesterday. So, off to go check out this lame booby trap. Oh, and by the way, Fat Cat is hiding behind a laundry cart badly.

I can see your hunch back, Fat Cat.

Just as we all probably assumed, Fat Cat put the old battery back in the detector. Phyllis once again replaces the battery. She sets off the test button and she almost makes Dale shit little chipmunk nuggets on the floor with the shocking sound. 

Back with our villain Fat Cat, it looks as if he has found an iron. He clumsily plugs it in the wall and turns it on. He then leaves it on the board.

At this point, I think my real cat could have thought of something more evil and she is a ditz.

Chip hears the ol' iron steaming in the next room and points it out. They run out and over to it. Phyllis then goes on a lecture about how irons will burn you to a crisp if you leaves them on. And also, your shirts will looks like crap. 

She also leaves the little nugget that fires mostly happen at night while your sleeping. (Well, good thing I sleep during the day.) Chip and Dale, proudly announce that they know what to do if there is a fire. And we are put into Dale's head as he imagines this happening.

Or he is daydreaming about his Winnie The Pooh fan fic.

In Dale's daze, we find Dale waking up to smoke and the alarm. He gets down on the floor and starts to crawl out as awkwardly as you can imagine a costumed Disney character doing. 

Phyllis starts in with having a family meeting place, when Chip points out that the laundry cart has moved. They start digging through the cart looking for Fat Cat. They accomplish nothing but, making a mess and putting stanky underwear on Phyllis' head.

Come on guys, you literally put ball sweat and wiener tears on her head.

With Fat Cat still on the loose, he shuffles into another room. He starts to mumble about finding something there that will repulse those Rescue Rangers. 

Chip pulls out a huge magnifying glass because that is the cliche' thing to do. All he deducts is that Fat Cat was using the laundry cart to sneak around and he is still around. (Wow, he is smart.)

Dale meanwhile, is sneaking around looking for Fat Cat. He sees a fire suit and begins to punch the hell out of it, assuming Fat Cat is in.  (In all fairness, he was doing a better job then Chip.)

I'll make love to you.

Chip and Phyllis run over to see what the hell Dale is doing. Phyllis quickly explains that those are actually the fire suits. She goes through explaining the parts of the suits. 

All this excitement *yawn* is interrupted by a tea kettle whistling.  The three of them run down the hall and into the break room. Phyllis starts checking the stove knobs. She finds that Fat Cat turned them all on. (Why don't they just lay down some cat nip and wait?) 

Phyllis starts to talk about getting burned, which leads Dale into asking what to do if you get burned? While explaining this, Fat Cat walks right in front of her freaking face. Fat Cat then sneaks off again in plain sight. 

You didn't see anything in the corner of your eye?

The lecture on burns is cut short by sirens. The three of them start to run back out in the garage area, when Dale finds a board with E.D.I.T.H wrote on it. Apparently, it isn't just the name of your grandma but, an acronym. There is also a drawing of the fire station and the bank next door. They deduce that a deposit of caviar was just made at the bank. (What? Was Robin Leach in town?)  And Fat Cat wants to tunnel to the bank from the fire station. 

I just figured out how dumb that is.

At the fire truck, Fat Cat is scooting around. He sees some keys and assume they are for the fire engine. And for the first time he thinks of something really evil. He wants to run over the Rescue Rangers with the truck. He grabs the keys and heads back over to the truck. 

Back with the trio, they are now discussing E.D.I.T.H. Dale thinks it is the name of Fat Cat's plan. But, Chip points out what dumb assery that is. He explains that it means, "Exit Drills In The Home."

So, they go on explaining this. I could bore you more with typing it all out but, honestly I am lazy. I am surprised that I actually made it this far. 

Meanwhile, with Fat Cat it seems that he is now in the truck. (Did no one hear the door make noise?) Like most cats, he is having trouble picking out with jingly sounding item to use to start the truck. 

Ah never mind, I am just going to stare at the wall.

Fat Cat accidentally honks the horn while trying to solve the key mystery. This alerts The Rescue Rangers and Phyllis who run toward the truck. Chip and Dale head to the door and "try" to get Fat Cat out. Phyllis heads to the other window and flashes the real keys at him. 

Here Kitty, Kitty!

Fat Cat throws a fit and tosses the door open. While trying to run, he trips on his own hose trap he made earlier. He gets up and starts to run off again. Chip and Dale grab the hose and lasso him. 

Fat Cat you feet are peeling off. 

They threaten to send Fat Cat to jail but, he pulls the old "The fire engine is running away prank" and makes his escape while the three have their backs turn. 

Phyllis, Chip, and Dale are just like screw it and let Fat Cat pretty much walk away. (Like really, he wasn't even tying to run.) They all say their goodbyes and thank yous. Chip and Dale head back to their BBQ.

Back at the BBQ Dale is back to grilling nuts and Chip is back at peeping.

For the fun of it, let's imagine their Fat Cat's.

With that we are back to where we started. Dale calls out Chip for peeping and they start to fight in those awful voices. 

Fire Safety, guys!

So, I'll give this 3 rolls on a 5 Stop, Drop, and Roll emergency. It wasn't horrible but, it wasn't great either. Would I have another Safety Adventure with Chip and Dale? Maybe if they were doing sex ed or something.